What’s Your Story?

Do you ever feel like you’re living in a story that isn’t really yours? If you had the chance, how would you rewrite the story of your life? What would the headline say? Would it feel scary, exciting, challenging—or all three? And most importantly, would it finally feel like your story, rather than one written from somebody else’s script?

Midlife Reflections: Common Struggles 

As a counsellor who specialises in midlife, I hear recurring themes from clients about the struggles they face. One of the most common is the impact of labels and roles that were given to them when they were very young.

Most of us grew up with some kind of family label. Perhaps you were “the good one”, “the difficult one”, “the troublesome one”, or even “the nightmare one”. Parenting is a tough gig, and many labels are given without any awareness of how deeply they can shape a child’s sense of self. But those words often stick.

How Labels Affect Us 

Over time, labels influence how we see ourselves, what we expect from life, and how we believe others will treat us. They can quietly turn into self-fulfilling prophecies. If you were repeatedly told you were “stupid”, then when something goes wrong later in life, that old belief can jump straight to the front of your mind: “See? I really am stupid”.

I’ve spent time with clients who were told exactly that—that they were stupid—yet they have gone on to achieve phenomenal things in their careers and personal lives. Despite this, they can’t take it in. The label has followed them for decades, clinging on like a bad smell they just can’t shake.

Recognising the Labels You Carry 

So take a moment now and think: is there a label you remember being called? Maybe it’s become an internal voice—one that pipes up when something doesn’t go to plan. That voice is often borrowed from childhood, repeating an old judgement or criticism. You might notice it saying things like, “Don’t be stupid… oh God, I’m stupid”. The first step is to become aware of it.

It’s also important to recognise that it’s not only negative labels that cause harm. “Positive” labels can be just as damaging. Being “the good one”, for example, often leads to a lifetime of people-pleasing—always being kind, helpful, and accommodating, while quietly pushing your own needs aside.

The Impact of “Positive” Labels

This label can be particularly exhausting. I see many midlife women who are utterly depleted after years of keeping everyone else happy. They are often emotionally spent with nothing left to give. Somewhere along the way, they’ve lost themselves. They often say, “I don’t know who I am anymore”. That’s a painful place to be.

Challenging the Labels in Your Mind

Once you’ve recognised the labels that were given to you—and remember, they were given to you—you didn’t choose them - the next step is to notice when they pop up in your head. When you do, gently challenge them.

If the thought is “God, I’m stupid,” ask yourself: “Was I actually stupid?”. There’s a powerful difference between doing something foolish and being foolish. You might have made a mistake—that doesn’t mean you are the mistake. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself a break.

Rewriting Your Story in Midlife 

The next step is more challenging, but it can be incredibly liberating. If someone—often a family member—still uses that old label, take a breath and calmly ask them why they’ve said it. You may find they have no real answer. Often, that alone is enough to stop the behaviour, but if it continues, you can clearly and calmly say: “Please don’t call me stupid. I find that upsetting”.

You don’t need to justify yourself or enter into debate. If it happens again, repeat the same words, calmly and consistently. Repetition can be very powerful.

Final Thoughts 

You are not the labels you were given.

And it’s never too late to rewrite your story.